


My Head Spun and Time Stopped (Jaywalking)

by multifascinate (talkativelock)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Murder, Friendship, Getting Together, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Lots of Fistfights, M/M, Meet-Cute, Mr. Steal Your Boy, People saying cruel things they don't mean, Playing with Fireworks, Successful Manslaughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-30 05:43:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15090239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talkativelock/pseuds/multifascinate
Summary: “So if we’re looking for a muse then what are we doing here?” Hinata asks.They sit in a line on a half fence, one of the metal ones that can be balanced on pretty easily. In front of them is one of the busiest intersections in town. People cross back and forth, not paying five high schoolers dressed like punks any mind.Kuroo grins. “This is where we’ll find my muse.”





	My Head Spun and Time Stopped (Jaywalking)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JawnBelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JawnBelle/gifts).



> It is still technically Jawn's birthday so I'm not late. Happy birthday, boo~ I hope you enjoy this ride! You are my favorite person in the universe and I love you a lot. I've been informed that this gives feels. I hope it gives you the feels you're looking for.
> 
> IMPORTANT NOTE: This story is based on a Korean Drama called Shut Up Flower Boy Band, also known as Shut Up and Let’s Go. Shut Up Flower Boy Band is a story that is as much about loss, grief, and friendship as it is about romance. As such, this fic contains MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH. This fic contains major spoilers for the show and vice-versa. If you’re interested in watching the show I highly recommend it. It takes far more time establishing character relationships and delving into the details of the character’s feelings than I do here. This story is a streamlined version of the main plot without some of the side plots and characters appearing at all.
> 
> As always, special thanks to Dory for editing. All remaining mistakes are mine.

There’s nothing in the universe quite like music. At least, that’s what Kei thinks. Music is easy, like breathing. It’s what Kei lives for. If Kei wasn’t in a band he’s not sure that he would be able to deal.

They’re not playing right now, though. Right now they’re just waiting.

The crowd screams and shouts below them, a symphony of voices calling out for them. Kei busies himself with checking his guitar.

A cymbal crashes. The crowd shrieks but the stage lights are still off. They all look back in question and Hinata pops up a peace sign.

“Are we gonna get this show going or what?” Hinata asks above the noise of the crowd.

“Dumbass,” Kageyama says back on principle.

Kuroo turns back towards the crowd and straightens up to try to get a good view of the back of the room where the light panel is. “Don’t worry,” Kuroo says. “We’ll be under the spotlight soon.”

Kei rolls his eyes and turns back to his guitar. Somewhere in the back Bokuto is trying to make the outdated tech in an underground illegal concert venue work. Kei doesn’t envy him. It doesn’t help that Bokuto is an idiot.

With a thunk and a buzz the old stagelights come up washing everything in harsh white. They mostly flinch back but Hinata gets excited and goes right into a crazy drum solo, to the screams of the entire crowd. With a competitive glare Kageyama joins him, improvising something overly complicated on his bass.

Yachi shakes her head, flicking her guitar strap into place. “Boys.”

“I think it’s just them,” Kei says.

She gives him one of her smiles, kind and amused. “No, it’s all of you.”

Kei makes a big show of rolling his eyes at her again before turning his attention to their crazy leader. He isn’t disappointed. After letting Hinata and Kageyama work off some steam Kuroo raises a hand high into the air, his head down. His face is cast in shadow from his overgrown bangs but even with that Kei can see that he’s smiling. He lives for this too.

Hinata and Kageyama come to a stop. Kuroo grabs the mic stand and drags it closer, up to his still downturned face. Kei and Yachi both step up to their mics.

Kuroo’s hand arcs through the air, Hinata brings them in on something that sounds more like a drum fill than a roll-off. Kei hits the first riff right on time, shortly followed by Yachi’s quick lick to add depth. Kageyama’s bass is turned way up.

The crowd cheers and Kuroo sings. This is where Kei is meant to be. There’s nothing in the universe quite like this.

…

The next day Kei is tired.

He yawns as they walk to school. Yachi hums quietly beside him. They live near each other so this first leg is often just them. Sometimes Kuroo is with them, when he spends the night at Kei’s apartment. Sometimes he’s not. Today he’s not because after the show he disappeared into the night.

Kei wishes he wouldn’t do that but there’s no use complaining. Kuroo is just like that.

“Look out below!” Someone shouts. Kei glances over his shoulder and then twists out of the way before Hinata and Kageyama run him over on Hinata’s bike.

Hinata doesn’t have his feet on the pedals, he just lets them turn as they roll downhill while his legs stick out to the sides. Kageyama is standing on the pegs Hinata added to the back of the bike. He’s grabbing Hinata’s shoulders. They’re both yelling, Hinata in glee and Kageyama in that diluted form of rage he always seems to have.

“You dumbass!”

“Oh my God,” Yachi says as the front wheel suddenly turns and the only thing that stops them from wiping out is Hinata’s quick reaction time. He catches them with his feet, righting them before Kageyama is thrown from the back.

“Hell yeah,” Hinata says.

Kageyama grabs the top of Hinata’s head and squeezes. “We could have died, dumbass.”

“Ow, ow, ow, but we didn’t.”

Kageyama pauses, his grip loosening. “That’s true.”

Kei sighs. “If the two of you idiots are done…” Kei trails off when Kuroo comes wandering around the corner.

Kuroo’s face breaks into a smile at the sight of them. It’s not a nice smile, more of a sneaky one. “Good morning, my crows.”

“What did you do?” Kei asks immediately.

Kuroo’s smile only grows more sinister. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m just excited to move on from Karasuno to a different school.”

“What if we don’t end up together, though?” Yachi asks, voicing all their fears. 

Kei frowns. Yachi has a point. 

Karasuno is shutting down and its students are being split among the surrounding schools. It’s being absorbed into the surrounding neighborhoods. On one hand, goodbye low budget, run down school. On the other… well, they have no idea how the students are going to be split among the schools. The five of them could very well end up seperated.

“That’s not going to happen, Yacchan,” Kuroo says, reaching out. He pulls her into a side hug, tucking her tiny form against his lanky one. She goes willingly, hugging him back.

“Did you do something?” Kei asks, immediately suspicious.

“It’s just a feeling I have,” Kuroo says. “You can call it a premonition.”

Kei is pretty sure that Kuroo rigged the system somehow. As Kageyama and Hinata call Kuroo cool, however, Kei finds that he doesn’t care.

…

“One, two, three!” Kuroo counts and on three they all tear open the envelopes containing their new school assignments. 

Kageyama and Hinata tear theirs so hard they nearly shred the paper inside. Kei and Yachi are a bit more practical and controlled, a bit more precise. Kuroo is somewhere between Kageyama and Hinata’s disaster and Kei and Yachi’s precision. 

They all hold their breath and unfold the papers at the same time without needing to be told.

“Shiratorizawa,” Yachi says, small and timid.

“Shiratorizawa,” Kageyama repeats.

“Shiratorizawa,” Kei says.

“Shiratorizawa,” Hinata says, his voice rushing out of him on a breath.

They all look to Kuroo.

Kuroo stares at his paper, his face blank. Kei feels the mood in the room drop as they all simultaneously try to figure out what they’re going to do at Shiratorizawa without their leader. It won’t be the same without Kuroo. Crazy, wild, sneaky Kuroo.

He looks up at them. Yachi squeaks and covers her mouth in horror. Kageyama closes his eyes and wait for the deathblow with a grim expression. Hinata stares slack-jawed. Kei isn’t sure what his own face is doing but it probably isn’t good.

Kuroo’s face breaks into a grin. “Shiratorizawa!”

“You jerk,” Yachi shouts, hitting him ineffectually with her paper again and again. Hinata gives a wordless shout and leaps at him, clinging like some kind of koala. Kuroo laughs, trying to turn away from Yachi’s onslaught and put Hinata into her path instead but Yachi chases him around in a circle to hit him more. “You made us all panic! I almost cried!”

Kuroo laughs. “Sorry, sorry.”

Kei just clicks his tongue and turns his head away from the scene. Kageyama is grinning one of his nice grins, the ones that don’t look like murder.

“Idiot,” Kei says to the room at large. It comes out sounding fond despite himself.

“You know,” Kuroo says. “This calls for a new chapter in our story.”

Yachi stops hitting him and Hinata’s head pops up from where he had buried it against Kuroo’s shoulder.

“Huh?” Hinata and Kageyama ask at the same time.

“A new song,” Kuroo says. “For a new era. The Crow’s Shiratorizawa era.”

“You’re going to write us another song?” Yachi asks. 

Hinata slips off of Kuroo and back onto his own two feet. He’s grinning from ear to ear. “Hell yeah!”

“Hell yeah,” Kuroo agrees. “But first; a muse.”

“A muse?” Hinata and Kageyama echo. “What’s that?”

…

“So, like, someone or something that inspires you to create your best work is a muse?” Hinata asks down the fence line, nose wrinkled up. Somehow he isn’t getting it even after Yachi explains. “That’s dumb.”

“I don’t think so,” Kageyama says. “It’s like how you are for me, ya know?”

“I inspire you?” Hinata asks, suddenly beaming. Kageyama turns red and sputters.

“I- you- Dumbass!”

Kei makes a disgusted noise. “Gag me.”

“Shut up, Tsukishima,” Kageyama says, rounding on him.

“Are you going to make me?” Kei asks and then he gives a dramatic shudder. “As long as you don’t try to shut me up the way you shut Hinata up.”

Yachi elbows him while Kageyama’s mouth works soundlessly, his face red. Hinata just swings his feet and grins like a child who just got some candy. “Come on, Tsukki, they’re cute.”

Kei rolls his eyes and drops a hand into her hair to shake her around a bit. “Don’t tell them that, they’ll never shut up.”

Yachi snorts.

“So if we’re looking for a muse then what are we doing here?” Hinata asks.

They sit in a line on a half fence, one of the metal ones that can be balanced on pretty easily. In front of them is one of the busiest intersections in town. People cross back and forth, not paying five high schoolers dressed like punks any mind. 

Kuroo grins. “This is where we’ll find my muse.”

“Right,” Hinata says, nodding. Then he looks at Kuroo, curious. “How?”

“I’ll just look out over this sea of people and when I spot them I’ll know!”

Hinata’s face screws up. “Just like that? Without knowing them?”

“That’s dumb,” Kageyama says, crossing his arms. He looks to Kei. “Tell him that’s dumb. He listens to you.”

Kei rolls his eyes. “I already told him it was dumb on the way here.”

Kageyama’s face falls. “Oh.”

“This will work!” Kuroo tells them.

“This will be hilarious,” Kei corrects.

Kuroo reaches out and pushes Kei, causing him to nearly slip off the fence. “Oh, ye of little faith.”

It’s nearly hilarious but it’s mostly just a gigantic waste of time.

They’re there for hours just waiting for Kuroo to decide on a muse. Hinata gets less and less patient as time goes on, never one for sitting still, and even though Kageyama has more patience than Hinata he starts to get antsy too. They keep up a constant stream of pestering until Kuroo holds up his hands.

“Fine. The next person to cross this street will be my muse.”

Kei can’t help but grin. What a disaster.

“This will go well.”

“At least we won’t be here for much longer,” Yachi tells Kei in a half-whisper.

They all watch on baited breath, waiting. 

As they watch an elderly lady with a walker heads for the curb. Hinata winces, Kageyama’s mouth falls open, and Kei can’t help but watch Kuroo’s face with one eye so that he can laugh when she makes it across the street. On Kei’s other side Yachi is already vibrating with laughter.

Then, before the elderly lady can set foot in the street, a beautiful boy cuts in front of her.

He’s objectively beautiful. His hair is shaggy but styled, sticking up on the top of his head a bit like it’s a little rebellious. He’s got sweet features and long legs. He does one of those half jogs across the street in his nice, preppy clothes. He’s arching his neck like he’s trying to see above the crowd. Like he’s looking for something, or someone.

The air all rushes out of Kuroo and he stands. “Oh.”

When Kuroo stands they all stand too, hopping off the fence and taking a few steps towards the curb themselves.

“Look at him,” Kuroo breathes.

Kei is looking at him. Kei hates that he can’t tear his eyes away. This whole muse thing is stupid and he doesn’t want to encourage Kuroo.

And yet the boy rushing towards them is beautiful enough to make his breath catch.

They all stand and watch like idiots as the boy runs in their direction. They’re still standing there when he goes to cut in front of them and his foot catches on an uneven piece of concrete. The boy goes over right in Kei’s direction.

Kei can’t just let him fall.

He catches the boy around the shoulders. 

The boy looks up at him, his eyes wide. He’s got freckles dusting his cheeks and maybe a bit of a blush. It’s stupid, how attractive he is. Kei feels a rush of frustration.

The moment ends as soon as it began. The boy untangles himself from Kei and takes a few stumbling steps back. He bows quickly and slightly ungracefully. “I’m so sorry.”

Kei huffs an irritated breath. Sweet face, sweet disposition. Of course Kuroo would go for someone like that.

The boy straightens up and blinks at Kei for just a second longer before sweeping the rest of their group. Everyone is frozen in some state of shock. The boy’s eyes don’t linger on any one member. He flushes a bit deeper and meets Kei’s eyes again. “Sorry.”

“Whatever,” Kei says, if only to get him to stop saying sorry.

The boy gives another little half bow and then he’s off, running down the street and craning his neck again. He doesn’t even spare them a backwards glance.

“Holy shit,” Hinata breathes. “That was kinda magical. Why didn’t you talk to him, Kuro?”

Kuroo shakes himself. “I was so struck by him that I thought of a song. I told you he would be my muse!”

Kei scoffs.

“Yeah, but you just let him go,” Kageyama says, his expression pinched. 

“Don’t worry,” Kuroo says. “We’ll see him again.”

“Where?” Hinata asks.

“Shiratorizawa,” Yachi says. “Didn’t you see his clothes? He was wearing the Shiratorizawa uniform. We’ll be classmates starting tomorrow.”

Hinata and Kageyama’s eyes get huge while Kuroo grins. “Got it in one, Yacchan.”

“Wow,” Hinata says. “That’s like fate.”

Kei rolls his eyes, feeling uncomfortable in his own skin. “It’s like something.”

…

Shiratorizawa is a rich kid school.

It’s for the elites, the kids who have everything. Kei’s always hated it. He hates how they look down on others, how they claim to stand for equality but would rather kick poor kids out for a stupid reason than help them. Some people would think that The Crows would consider themselves lucky to have a chance for a better education through Shiratorizawa when Karasuno shut down, especially the more academically inclined members of their band, but Kei doesn’t think of it that way. He thinks of it as just another part of his string of bad luck. He doesn’t only have to deal with Kuroo’s newest flight of fancy in the muse but also with rich snobs who would rather look good than do something real.

Their first day at Shiratorizawa goes about as well as Kei thought it would. They get their class assignment and unfortunately Kei finds himself in the same class as Kuroo’s muse. Kageyama’s there too, which is some kind of silver lining even if Kageyama spends most of the time texting Hinata under his desk. Kei keeps his headphones on and an eye on Kuroo’s muse but it doesn’t matter. They’re kicked out before the first class even starts.

Apparently it doesn’t matter that they didn’t even do anything. Apparently they need Shiratorizawa uniforms to sit in class. Uniforms that cost way more than any person should ever have to pay for clothes.

Hinata and Yachi almost cry in embarrassment. It’s only Kei’s hand on Kageyama’s shoulder that stops him from punching the smug principle in his dumb face and getting them actually expelled. Kuroo stands in front of them, staring down the principle. The principle doesn’t budge and eventually they leave peacefully.

If Kei knocks over every fancy chair in the foyer on his way out that’s no one’s business.

…

“What are we gonna do?” Hinata whines. He’s got his face buried between Kageyama’s shoulder-blades. Kageyama doesn’t even try to dislodge him even though Hinata is ruining every shot he makes. Kei is kicking his ass because Hinata won’t stop draping himself over Kageyama’s back. Kei would normally be annoyed that it isn’t a real game but he doesn’t care who wins or loses at pool this time. Mostly.

Yachi lays on the pool hall’s couch, the one that Kageyama sleeps on on the nights he doesn’t go to Hinata’s place. The pool hall is owned by Kageyama’s father and The Crows use it as a place to hang out almost as much as Kei’s apartment. It’s always empty since it’s more like a front for Kageyama’s dad’s gang than a real business.

“That was the worst,” Yachi says. She’s not whining. She still sounds close to tears.

Kei hits his next shot with a bit too much force and it goes wild. “We could just not go to school. Focus on the band.”

Kageyama straightens up a little and Hinata slides off his back. “Just drop out?”

“We can’t just drop out,” Kuroo says. Kei sighs and looks over at where he’s laying on one of the other pool tables. He’s in his thinking pose, the one where his head hangs over the edge of the pool table and his knees are bent, one crossed over the other, so that the sole of a sneaker can rest on the short rail.

“Why not?”

“My muse is there,” Kuroo says. “I talked to him yesterday for the first time, I want to do it again.”

Kei doesn’t ask. Sometimes it’s better not to. “Well we can’t just pay for the uniforms,” Kei says instead. “None of us have that kind of money.”

Kageyama’s expression twists. “I could ask my old man but then I’d owe him a favor.”

“No!” Hinata grips Kageyama tighter. “No way.”

Kei doesn’t even offer to make amends with his brother. 

“We can make the money ourselves,” Kuroo says.

Hinata perks up. “How?”

Kuroo sits up on the pool table and grins at them. It’s his crazy, sneaky grin. “By doing what we do best, of course.”

…

“This is awesome,” Bokuto says as he helps them set up. “Slightly illegal, of course, but that’s what makes it a blast.”

“You know it,” Kuroo says and then they fistbump. Bokuto and Kuroo are bad influences on each other. It’s probably for the best that they don’t actually go to the same school and also that Bokuto has the musical talent of a fish. If he was in the band they would probably die.

Kei and Kageyama help Hinata set up his drum kit. Yachi is arranging the cords that lead from the amps to the van so that they’ll have good power. She’s always been good at making sure that they have the least chance to catch on fire. Kuroo and Bokuto are arranging mic stands and amps and also goofing off.

Kei passes a cymbal to Hinata to put on the correct stand and straightens up. “Come on, assholes, we don’t have all night.”

Bokuto jumps on Kei, putting him in a headlock and messing up his already uncombed hair. “Aw, Tsukki, so serious.”

Kei punches him in the kidney and he lets go with an oof. Kei straightens his glasses.

“Honestly, you’re the worst.”

Bokuto flexes and strikes a pose. “You mean best.”

Kei rolls his eyes. His lips twitch into a smile. “Whatever.”

“Boys,” Yachi says. “I want to check those amps. Do you have the mics set up yet?”

“Fuck,” Kuroo and Bokuto say at the same time. Kei rolls his eyes and turns back towards the drum kit.

“Not so fast, Tsukki,” Yachi calls. “Tobio-kun and Shouchan have that, help these two out instead.”

Kei grimaces and Hinata laughs at him. If he was closer he’d kick Hinata.

They barely get anything else done before Kuroo makes a wordless noise of joy. Kei glances up and then does a doubletake.

There, standing in the middle of the street looking shocked to see them, is Kuroo’s muse. Kuroo waves at him and his eyes get wide. 

“You’re here!” Kuroo calls before heading towards him. 

Kuroo’s muse’s eyes dart around like some kind of trapped animal. Kei can’t help but roll his eyes. How can someone be sweet in every way like that? Pretty and polite and rich. It’s unreal.

Kuroo and his muse talk for a moment. Kuroo’s muse holds himself stiffly as opposed to Kuroo’s lazy slouch. Kuroo’s muse says something quiet and Kuroo laughs. His muse looks startled by the sound of it and Kuroo puts a hand on his muse’s head, mussing his hair a little.

“Yamaguchi!” Someone calls and Kuroo’s muse, Yamaguchi, turns his head. He seems to sag in relief at what he sees and Kei follows his sightline.

One of the other boys from their class is headed towards them. He’s put together with perfect everything and a stern expression. His eyes narrow further at the sight of Kuroo’s hand on Yamaguchi’s head and Kuroo tilts his head to the side with that sneaky, crazy smirk.

“Hey,” Kei says lowly to the rest of the band. They take notice immediately and they all straighten up.

Kuroo is looking for a fight. He isn’t backing down. He and the newcomer talk in low voices and Kuroo leaves his hand on the top of Yamaguchi’s head. The newcomer has a hold of Yamaguchi’s arm as if to pull Yamaguchi away. Yamaguchi looks trapped and nervous between them.

Kageyama steps up to Kei’s side, his dangerous eyes narrowed. Tucked under his arm is Hinata. Hinata is wearing his fighting face, the intensity of his stare enough to burn people alive. Bokuto cracks his knuckles and Yachi crosses her arms.

Kei tucks his hands in his pockets and takes a lazy few steps towards the commotion.

“Hey,” Kei says, louder this time. The newcomer looks up. When he spots them ready to back Kuroo up his eyes narrow and he seems to strategize. Behind him his own posse seems to melt from the shadows.

Kei eyes them. They could probably take these guys. Probably.

Kuroo is full on grinning now. “What’s wrong, Ushijima-sama?” He drawls the ‘sama’ out, making it as sarcastic as possible.

A muscle in Ushijima’s jaw twitches. “Let’s go, Yamaguchi.”

Several things happen very quickly after that. Ushijima pulls away, taking Yamaguchi with him. Yamaguchi stumbles because he’s apparently the clumsiest person in the universe. Kuroo’s face twists in anger at the sight and he swings. Ushijima ducks out of the way and his followers converge on Kuroo. 

Kei and the rest of the band rush to meet them.

They’re probably going to get the cops called on them for fighting in the street but Kei doesn’t care. He focuses on dishing out more hits than he takes. He focuses on getting to Kuroo and having his back. He focuses on making sure every other member of The Crows is fine.

Bokuto is a beast of a man and he uses his muscles to his advantage now. Hinata is fast and he hits hard, hitting people like he hits drums. Kageyama is precise and furious. Yachi takes advantage of her opponent’s hesitation. They underestimate her because she’s a girl. That’s always their mistake.

Kuroo fights like a wild thing. Kei keeps his cool and tries to watch his blind spots.

Even with all their fighting experience they aren’t doing very well. It becomes clear that more than a few of the men fighting them are professionals, probably bodyguards. It’s difficult to hit them, it’s difficult to win.

One of them hits Kageyama over the head with the snare drum, ruining the head and taking Kageyama down at the same time. Hinata shouts in anger and descends upon the man with the fury of a thousand suns. Kei and Kuroo look at each other for just a moment before working their way back to Kageyama.

Kuroo punches a guy in the solar plexus while Kei leans over Kageyama. He mostly just looks dazed.

“You okay?”

“Assholes,” Kageyama groans.

“Yeah,” Kei agrees.

Before Kei can ask Kageyama if he’s prepared to keep fighting Hinata comes flying through the air. He lands on Kei’s back, tiping him over with a burst of pain to lay across Kageyama in the worst dogpile Kei has ever been in.

“Ow, fuck,” Kageyama snaps. “You’re heavy as shit.”

“That would be your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Kageyama and Hinata both insist at the same time, breathless and pained.

“Whatever,” Kei snaps. “Just get off me.”

They don’t manage to get up before the bodyguards hit them while they’re down.

…

Kei lays in the street, Hinata on one side of him and Kuroo on the other. He feels like he’s covered in bruises. His lip is bleeding and he’s lucky his glasses are still in one piece.

“Did we lose?” Bokuto asks. “It feels like we lost.”

“You’ve only lost if you admit it,” Kuroo says.

“It seems like we lost,” Hinata says. He’s some mix of horrified and furious. “They ruined my drum kit, guys.”

“We’ll get a new one, Shouchan,” Yachi soothes.

“With what money? We can’t even afford new uniforms.”

Kageyama is suspiciously silent. Kei tilts his head up to glance at Kageyama. He’s staring at the sky looking constipated.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Kei tells him, keeping his voice low under Hinata’s complaining.

Kageyama tilts his head to look back at Kei. “What’s the point of being a king if I won’t even use it?”

Kei sighs. Kageyama looks away.

He can’t help but wonder what the others will say when Kageyama presents them with the order confirmation that will allow them to attend school again.

…

Hinata throws a fit. He throws an absolute tantrum when he finds out but there isn’t much he can do, especially after the fact. Kageyama’s mind was made up back on the street. He comes back from his father’s house the next day with haunted eyes and five receipts for Shiratorizawa uniforms. Instead of fighting about it Hinata just makes Kageyama sit on the floor between his knees so he can run his fingers through Kageyama’s hair again and again.

“We still need a new drum kit,” Yachi says quietly. “We can’t play with only one cymbal and a bass drum.”

“Don’t mention that to Kageyama,” Kei says. “He’s done enough.”

Kuroo sighs, his expression pinched and his eyes closed. “Let’s make the most of this opportunity. We can’t waste it.”

…

The week between ordering the uniforms and getting them is the worst. Kei just has to stew and glare, half at Ushijima who is ignoring them as if he wasn’t responsible for destroying their drum kit and half at Yamaguchi who Kuroo continues to fawn over despite the fact that he’s just another rich kid. Yamaguchi nervously avoids Kei’s eyes.

Good.

Kageyama spends the first few days just laying on his desk with his headphones in. He ignores most things including the teacher. The advantage to his scary face is that the teacher avoids him right back. Kei keeps an eye on him too.

After a few days things start to reach a kind of equilibrium. Kageyama straightens up and goes back to texting under the table, Ushijima and Kuroo continue to circle each other passive-aggressively. Yamaguchi seemingly gets used to Kei’s eyes on his back.

During their off hours when they would normally be practicing they work on different ways to make back some money so they can buy a new drum kit. Kuroo’s plan involves picking a fight with one of Ushijima’s lackeys, a guy named Tendou. It gets them some money but not enough. It turns out that as long as they’re in school where the bodyguards can’t follow The Crows can take as much revenge as they want.

Within reason of course. Ushijima is a nark. After their fight with Tendou he threatens to tell the principle and get them kicked out of school.

Kuroo negotiates an eye for an eye. They beat The Crows up, The Crows beat them up right back. No more fighting, no running to any principles that are looking for a reason to expel them.

Kei doesn’t think that being expelled would be that bad but Kuroo says something vague about needing to be in school and that’s it.

The uniforms come on Friday. They’re uncomfortable, stiff, just another thing about this school that Kei hates. Kei is happy when the week is over. He could use a good weekend.

…

“I got us a good drum kit,” Kuroo says.

“How?” Kei asks, tucking his phone between his shoulder and his ear while he pours himself a glass of water.

“It’s a mystery.”

“Cut the shit, Kuro,” Kei says, rolling his eyes even though Kuroo can’t see. He likes to imagine that Kuroo can hear it.

Kuroo laughs. “Don’t worry about it. Just know that I have connections.”

“Right,” Kei says.

“Let the guys know that I have it covered, okay?” Kuroo tells Kei. “Everything is back on track.”

Kei rolls his eyes. “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

“You will,” Kuroo promises. “Got to go.”

“Be careful, loser.”

Kuroo scoffs. “Who needs careful.”

He hangs up and Kei pulls the phone away from his ear to leave it on his table. He grabs his guitar and heads for his porch. 

His apartment is cheap and shitty, one of those add-ons to the top of an apartment complex. It’s just one room and a bathroom but it makes up for that by having an entire rooftop outside as a porch. Technically it’s not part of his apartment and he’s not supposed to do things like leave a chair out there but the landlord can kiss his ass.

Setting his water to the side Kei tucks his guitar under his arm where it belongs. He goes through some chords, the ones that are more difficult to make his fingers do. It’s good to stay in practice, especially if they’re going to be playing again.

God, Kei misses it.

He closes his eyes and leans back, sliding between the chords smoothly. He’s not out there for very long before he hears a door open.

Instinctively he opens his eyes and looks across the way at the equally crappy rooftop add-on next door. Yamaguchi looks back, frozen in something like horror.

Huh. He didn’t realize that Yamaguchi had a friend as poor as Kei. The thought makes something easy and warm unfurl in his chest. Maybe Yamaguchi isn’t so bad.

Yamaguchi stares at Kei. Kei stares back. He strums his guitar, lazy and slow, before moving to the next chord. Yamaguchi ducks back into the apartment the next building over.

He might not be that bad but he’s kind of a weirdo.

Kei stays out there for another fifteen or so minutes, doing finger exercises and enjoying the fresh air. Yamaguchi doesn’t appear again and eventually Kei moves back inside to make himself dinner.

He’s halfway through cooking some instant ramen when there’s a weirdly polite knock on his front door.

Kei considers ignoring it, most of the people he’s willing to talk to don’t bother knocking, but curiosity wins out. He turns off the heat and lets the water boil itself out while he gets the door.

He opens it up to see Yamaguchi standing on his doorstep.

Kei blinks at him.

“Uh, hi,” Yamaguchi says nervously, pulling his sweater sleeves over his hands. “Tsukishima-kun, right?”

“Yeah,” Kei says, stepping outside and closing the door behind himself. “What do you need?”

“I was hoping that you, uh, would be willing to not tell anyone what you saw?”

“You visiting a friend?” Kei questions and then he mentally rewinds what he saw and how anxiously Yamaguchi tried to hide. He can’t stop the smirk that comes across his face. “You weren’t visiting anyone, were you?”

Yamaguchi flinches and then grimaces. “I wasn’t.”

“Huh,” Kei says aloud. “Not so rich after all, I guess.”

“Please don’t tell anyone?” Yamaguchi asks, practically begging.

Kei arches an eyebrow. “Why do you care?”

Yamaguchi looks uncomfortable, backing away a bit. “I’m trying to, uh, keep up the same image as before.”

Kei rolls his eyes. “Of course you are.”

Yamaguchi’s eyes light up with sudden spirit and he puffs up. He’s not that much shorter then Kei and when he’s angry he seems taller. “Listen, how I deal with my problems is my business.”

Kei finds himself kinda liking Yamaguchi now that he’s talking to him, which is the worst. He kept himself above it all until now but, well, it turns out that Yamaguchi is very hard to hate.

“If it’s your business then why are you telling me?”

Yamaguchi falters a bit. “Well, you saw me.”

Kei can’t help but laugh. Yamaguchi’s hackles rise again but before they can argue any more Kei cuts him off. He steps forward, back into Yamaguchi’s space. “How about we make a deal?”

“A deal?” Yamaguchi’s eyes get wider. “What kind of deal? I’m not doing anything disgusting.”

Kei rolls his eyes. “Relax, it’s nothing like that.”

Yamaguchi blinks at him but doesn’t say anything. Kei turns away and walks to the edge of the building to look out over the city. This way he doesn’t have to look at Yamaguchi and see Yamaguchi’s face.

“Just… Don’t hurt him, okay?”

“Him?” Yamaguchi echoes. “You mean Kuroo-kun?”

“Yeah,” Kei says. “Don’t play him or whatever.”

“Is this some kind of joke?” Yamaguchi demands. Kei turns back to him in surprise to find that Yamaguchi’s eyes have gotten a bit damp. “If anyone is playing anyone then Kuroo-kun is playing me!”

Kei’s expression hardens into a glare. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You’re right,” Yamaguchi says, throwing his hands into the air. “I have no idea why he keeps talking to me or picking fights with Wakatoshi-kun or any of it.”

“I didn’t realize you were an idiot. It’s obvious.”

“Obvious,” Yamaguchi echoes. Kei rolls his eyes.

“He likes you. He sees something great about you in your pretty face and your nice clothes and shit. He calls you his muse.”

Yamaguchi stumbles back. “I’m not great. If anyone is great it’s Kuroo-kun.”

“Don’t tell Kuro that,” Kei says. “He doesn’t need the help.”

Yamaguchi smiles. “I like that he isn’t afraid of anything.”

Kei shakes his head. “Yeah, everyone likes that about him.”

There’s a moment of silent understanding that passes between them. Yamaguchi won’t be breaking Kuroo’s heart anytime soon and Kei will keep Yamaguchi’s secret, at least for a little while. They might even be friends.

“You really think I’m pretty?” Yamaguchi asks after a moment.

“Oh my God,” Kei sighs. Yamaguchi laughs, happy and bright and kind.

“Sorry, Tsukishima-kun.”

“You don’t need the ‘kun’. Just Tsukishima is fine.”

Yamaguchi smiles. “Tsukishima.”

They hold eye contact for another moment. Kei can hear his heart beating and he wonders if this is wrong, if he shouldn’t be hanging out with Yamaguchi like this. 

Yamaguchi is very hard not to like.

Shaking himself slightly, Yamaguchi looks away. He turns a little and gestures at the complex across the way where his apartment sits. “I should probably go home.”

“Yeah,” Kei says. “I’ve got ramen on the stove.”

Yamaguchi smiles at him. He’s got dimples. “Enjoy your ramen, Tsukishima. I’m sure it’s great.”

Kei rolls his eyes. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi laughs as he heads for the stairs and Kei watches him go until he’s down to the street level before realize how weird he probably looks just standing around and waiting for Yamaguchi to go home. He shakes himself and ducks inside to drain his ramen noodles of half of their water.

It’s only as he’s sitting down a minute later with his bowl of soggy noodles that he notices his phone flashing with a missed call.

Frowning, Kei unlocks it. It looks like Kuroo called him only a minute before he came inside. He left a message too. Kei calls his voicemail. As the computerized voice walks him through the basics like time and date Kei starts eating.

“Kei…”

Kei drops his chopsticks halfway to his mouth. Kuroo never calls him by his first name. Something’s wrong.

“Kei, answer your phone. Shit. It was a set up. I’m an idiot. Tsukki, come on. Fuck.”

The message ends. Kei pulls his phone from his ear to slam his finger on the button that will replay the message. He listens for something, anything that will give a clue to where one of his best friends in the world is. All he hears is Kuroo’s slurring voice.

Kei curses and hangs up on his voicemail. He calls Kuroo but no one picks up.

“Pick up, pick up,” he hisses to himself as he shoves his feet into his shoes, hitting redial as he goes. “Don’t be an idiot, Kuro, pick up.”

Kei runs out the door, nearly tripping as he goes. By the time he’s reached the street he’s given up on calling Kuroo and instead he calls the first person in his contacts, Kageyama.

“What?” Kageyama asks.

“Somethings wrong with Kuro. He’s missing and he won’t answer his phone.”

“Are you sure he’s not just asleep or something?”

Kei clicks his tongue in annoyance. “He left me a weird message like two minutes ago and when I called him back he didn’t answer.”

“Who is it?” Hinata asks in the background.

“It’s Tsukishima. He says something’s wrong with Kuro.”

“Where’s Kuro?”

“We don’t know.”

“I’m going looking for him,” Kei says, interrupting. “Just bring your idiot asses.”

Kageyama doesn’t protest at the insult. “Yeah, we’re coming.”

Kei hangs up. The next person he calls is Yachi.

…

They stay split up to cover more ground. Kei wracks his brain to try to come up with any clue Kuroo might have given him as to where he would have gone. He comes up with absolutely nothing.

It’s pure chance, like some kind of movie, that they all meet up at the same street corner. Kei and Yachi pant, running being neither of their strong suits. Bokuto and Hinata seem barely winded and Kageyama seems like he’d like to be barely winded but is really somewhere in between.

“Anything?” Kei gasps.

“Nothing,” Bokuto says, frowning.

“Kuro!” Hinata shouts in relieved glee.

Kei follows Hinata’s sightline to where Kuroo is running up to the corner across the street. The rush of relief he feels is undercut by his realization that Kuroo is bleeding.

He breaks off from the group and starts towards Kuroo. “Kuro!”

Kuroo shakes his head, like he’s trying to get something out of his face, and then seems to pause for a second. He wipes at his head under his hair and his hand comes away red. He smiles, a little crazy.

“Tsukki. Guys.”

“Hey,” someone shouts. Kuroo and Kei both follow the sound to see Tendou, the Ushijima lackey they beat up for some reparations cash the other day. He’s coming from the same direction Kuroo came from. 

Kuroo’s eyes go wide and he turns back to Kei. He runs across the street.

He doesn’t make it.

The bus stood no chance on an empty, poorly lit street late at night. By the time the driver sees him and tries to swerve out of the way it’s too late.

The impact of Kuroo’s body on the front bumper of the bus plays in Kei’s nightmares for the rest of his life. Kuroo is dead before they make it to his side. Tendou is nowhere to be found.

…

Kei tells the paramedics that he’s fine. They don’t believe him.

…

It takes a while and his fucking brother to get Kei out of the hospital. He ditches his brother the first chance he gets. He goes home and he buries himself under his covers and he doesn’t think for a while.

…

He thinks anyway. He thinks about how Kuroo had just wanted to get them a new drum kit, about how Kuroo had just wanted to play some music. He thinks about Kuroo’s muse, Yamaguchi.

He thinks about how while Kuroo was running and trying to call Kei, Kei was out on the porch talking to Yamaguchi.

No, he was out on the porch flirting with Yamaguchi. With Kuroo’s muse.

…

Kei thinks about getting up and going over to Yamaguchi’s house and demanding that Yamaguchi take responsibility for distracting him. For being the beginning of a chain reaction that caused Kuroo to die.

He never does.

…

Kei goes to the funeral.

Of course he goes to the funeral. He can’t just not. The only people who are there are the band, Bokuto, Kuroo’s mother, and an old friend of Kuroo’s named Kenma. Kuroo’s mother sobs. So does Yachi and Hinata and Kageyama and Bokuto. Kei and Kenma are the only ones to sit impassive. 

Kenma seems lost. Kei just feels empty.

…

“Tsukki, come on,” Yachi coaxes. Kei ignores her but that doesn’t stop her from trying. “You can’t stay here like this. It isn’t good for you.”

Kei is back under his covers. He leaves to pee and sometimes to eat. He doesn’t leave for anything else.

He closes his eyes and Kuroo’s body crunches first with the front of the bus and then with the pavement.

“Please, Kei,” Yachi begs.

“Leave him alone,” Kageyama says. He’s harsh and brittle. He stopped crying but that doesn’t mean he’s all better.

“But-” Hinata starts.

“He can sit here and mope if he wants,” Kageyama says.

Kei wants to fire back. He wants to fight with Kageyama just like the good old days when nothing mattered so all that mattered was each other. He wants to tease and snark and rage. He wants to dodge Kageyama’s retaliatory fists.

Instead Kei lays there and thinks about how Kuroo won’t be there to put a stop to their bickering once it starts to get out of hand.

“I’m going to do something,” Kageyama snaps.

“Tobio!” Yachi and Hinata chorus.

They’re all out the door. Kei squeezes his eyes shut and tries to think about nothing.

…

When the knocking at the door starts Kei ignores it. It keeps going and eventually Kei is forced to get out of bed by sheer irritation alone. He shoves on his glasses and stomps to the door. He yanks it open and snarls in the intruders face.

“What?”

Yamaguchi flinches back hard enough that he takes a full step. “Uh…”

The sight of him burns away any remainder of the numbness that kept him in bed for the past few days. Yamaguchi, the entire reason Kuroo died. The entire reason Kei wasn’t there to help him. 

Fucking Yamaguchi.

“What do you want?” Kei snaps.

Yamaguchi searches Kei’s face and then tears well up in his eyes. “It’s true, isn’t it?”

For some reason this just makes Kei even more angry. “Oh, you feel bad now? You going to cry about it?”

Yamaguchi shakes his head and wipes at his eyes. “I didn’t really know him yet-”

“Damn straight.”

“But I’m sorry for your loss.” Yamaguchi looks away and bites his lip. He doesn’t look very good. He looks like he spent the whole day in turmoil, just like Kei.

Kei hates him.

“You’re sorry?” Kei demands. “You’re sorry? If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t have been distracted and when he-” Kei breaks off when Yamaguchi’s head whips back around to look at Kei.

There’s a look of utter horror on Yamaguchi’s face. The fight goes right out of Kei.

That wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right to pin that on Yamaguchi. How could Yamaguchi have known? It was Kei’s fault for leaving his phone inside anyway.

None of that matters anymore, anyway. Dead is dead.

Kei is suddenly exhausted.

“What? What were you going to say?”

“It doesn’t mat-” Kei starts but Yamagchi keeps right on going.

“It’s my fault? I distracted you and he… he called you, didn’t he?”

The tears start to fall and guilt crashes down around Kei’s ears. “Yamaguchi…”

“I’m sorry,” Yamaguchi says, wiping at his face. “I have to go.”

Yamaguchi turns and he runs. Kei tries to follow but he’s still wearing his house shoes and Yamaguchi is fast. He just ends up stumbling under overcast skies, letting Kuroo’s muse run away from him crying.

“Shit,” Kei hisses to himself. “Sorry, Kuro.”

Yamaguchi climbs the stairs to his own shitty apartment, wiping at his face as he goes. Kei watches him until he disappears inside his place. He doesn’t even spare Kei a backward glance.

It’s only after Yamaguchi has gone inside that Kei enters his own place. He slouches to his bed and sits down. Kuroo would have hated that, would hate how Kei is acting. Kuroo loved to talk about how cute Yamaguchi was while he sat right next to Kei on Kei’s bed and worked on their new song.

His stuff is still here.

It feels wrong, like treading on sacred ground, but Kei leans over and fishes Kuroo’s folder out of the gap between his shitty mattress and the wall. He stares at the cover for a moment before daring to open it.

It’s not like Kuroo would mind. Dead is dead.

There’s most of a song written on staff paper inside, a bag containing a not insignificant amount of cash labelled ‘for emergencies’, and a torn off piece of a flyer advertising for a high school battle of the bands music festival in which the winner will be signed on with a production company to record a new album. The only requirements; that the band be in high school and that they be performing an original work.

Kei flips through the song to find paperwork behind it claiming that The Crows were already signed up for the festival as long as they can prove high school enrollment.

Kei feels like laughing or maybe crying. He ends up doing some ugly combination of both.

“You bastard,” Kei says between hiccups. “You fucking bastard.”

Kei tries to keep it together as he reads the new song. The main vocals are lower than Kei can comfortably do, obviously, since Kuroo planned to sing them himself. Otherwise it’s a good song. Kei bets he could rearrange the vocal line.

“You fucking beautiful bastard,” Kei says, wiping at his face. “The guys are going to go nuts.”

Kei freezes at the sudden thought of the guys. The guys being Kageyama, Hinata, and Yachi, who were on their way to do something about Kuroo’s death last Kei heard.

One of the requirements was that they were still in high school. As in, not expelled.

“Shit,” Kei says, diving for his phone. He pulls up Yachi’s contact because she’s the most likely to answer in this case. She picks up on the second ring.

“Tsukki?”

“Yacchan, where are you? What are you doing?”

“Tobio-kun found Tendou,” Yachi says. “You know, that guy who was chasing Kuro the other night? We’re going to find out what happened.”

“It doesn’t matter what happened,” Kei says. Not for the first time this week Kei struggles to put on his shoes and hold his phone to his ear at the same time. “Don’t let Kageyama lose his temper.”

“It’s a bit late for that.”

“Shit,” Kei hisses, stumbling towards the door. “Stop him from doing anything stupid. We can’t get expelled.”

“What? Why?”

“I’ll explain later,” Kei says. “Just don’t let Kageyama get us expelled.”

“I’ll try.”

Kei supposes that’s all anyone can do.

…

Kei barely manages to get there in time to stop Kageyama and Hinata from killing Tendou. They’re both wearing expressions of unknowable rage and he has to tackle them to get them off Tendou.

“That’s enough.”

“Get off me!”

“He killed Kuro! He admitted it!”

“It doesn’t matter.” Kei says. Kageyama and Hinata turn their fury on Kei but Kei stands his ground. “Leave him alone.”

“But-”

“That’s enough,” Yachi snaps. “You don’t outvote me anymore, so stop.”

“We’re just going to let him get away with it?” Hinata demands.

“What’s going on here?” Ushijima asks, entering the scene with his other main lackey in tow, a boy named Semi. They look from where Kei is physically trying to hold Kageyama and Hinata back to where Tendou leans against the wall, his face mostly just one big bruise at this point.

Kei winces. This is bad. At least Kageyama and Hinata have stopped struggling.

Kei steps forward. “An eye for an eye, right? That’s what we agreed before.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Semi says. “This is a bit much.”

“Hey,” Hinata snaps. He darts forward so fast that Kei can’t catch him. Only Kageyama could catch him but Kageyama doesn’t seem to have any interest in holding Hinata back. 

Hinata gets in their faces. “At least your friend is still alive.”

Ushijima frowns and his eyes narrow. Kei reaches forward and grabs Hinata to drag him back just in case he starts throwing punches.

“Listen,” Kei says. “This doesn’t look that great for your people either. You wouldn’t want anyone to know you’re involved in all this, right?”

The look on Ushijima’s face tells Kei that he hit it right on the head.

“We’ll be going now. Come on, Tendou.” He meets Kei’s eyes as Semi leans down to help his friend up. “This is the last time an eye for an eye will work.”

“Seems fair,” Kei says.

Kageyama makes an irritated sound. “As if this was a fair trade.”

Ushijima ignores him which just makes Hinata and Kageyama’s tempers flare even more. Kei grabs Kageyama’s shoulder with his free hand just in case. “Let him go.”

“This is bullshit,” Kageyama seethes.

Kei doesn’t respond until after Ushijima is gone. He doesn’t want to show his hand. Kageyama and Hinata must have the same idea because they wait until Ushijima is gone before rounding on Kei.

“What the fuck?”

“We have to stay in school, you fucking idiots.”

“You said that on the phone,” Yachi says. She’s hugging herself as she walks closer. “What does that even mean?”

“It means that Kuro left us a way to achieve our dreams as a band anyway,” Kei says. “Come on, I’ll explain on the way.”

…

“Holy shit,” Kageyama says, touching the unfinished sheet music with something like reverence. “Why didn’t he tell us?”

“Kuro was always being surprising,” Yachi says. She looks like she might cry. “He probably wanted to see the look on our faces when it was done.”

“Who’s going to finish it, though?” Hinata wonders.

“Tsukki, of course,” Yachi says.

Hinata’s nose wrinkles up. “What? Why?”

“Kuro left it in Tsukki’s house. He left it to Tsukki.”

“Besides,” Kei cuts in, “it’s not like you can read music.”

“I can’t but Kageyama can,” Hinata says.

Kageyama stares at the sheet music for a long moment. He sets it back on Kei’s table and looks up. “I think Tsukishima should do it. And he should sing the main part.”

Hinata goes a little slackjawed. “Wha?”

“I think so too,” Yachi says, beaming.

Hinata shakes his head. “Well, I’m super outvoted. I guess Tsukki’s the only one who can be snarky quite like Kuro anyway.” He turns to Kei. “Guess you’re the leader now.”

Kei should be snarky, he should be sarcastic. Instead, all he can do is pick up Kuroo’s music and stare.

…

Kei’s first order of business is to use Kuroo’s rainy day money to buy a new drum kit. 

He’s not sure why Kuroo was saving it. Maybe he always planned to use it to buy a new drum kit if they couldn’t find another way. Maybe there was some other reason.

At first Kei feels weird with Kuroo’s money in his pocket. He has a weird feeling, like he should put it back and never touch it again. He talks himself out of it and buys the drum kit, a nice one that will sound good and give Hinata something a bit more professional feeling to practice on.

Hinata spends the first day with it back just doing hyperactive fills.

The next thing Kei does is finish the ending. It’s… hard. Kei never fully appreciated how good Kuroo was at this part. He wishes he could go back in time and appreciate Kuroo’s genius more. He just wishes he could go back in time in general.

Still, he does his best. When he passes out the music no one complains. Kageyama starts playing with chords on his bass and Yachi starts making extra notes in the margins of hers about the harder sections of fingering progression. 

The next day they start practicing. At first it’s rough but then it starts coming together.

The last thing on Kei’s lists of things to do is probably the hardest.

Kei tries to apologize to Yamaguchi.

…

It becomes immediately clear that Yamaguchi is avoiding him.

He ducks around corners, hides in large groups of students, and turns around to run the other way whenever he sees Kei. Kei tries knocking on the door of his apartment but either he isn’t home or he refuses to come to the door. The closest Kei can get to him is in class where he avoids making eye contact and flees before the bell finishes ringing or cuts it so close he barely avoids detention.

Normally this wouldn’t be a problem. Kei has never paid any mind to the rules before. Unfortunately, the entire band agreed to be on their best behavior so that they could make Kuroo’s dream come true. It would be stupid to get a promise like that out of Kageyama, Hinata, and Yachi and then be the first to break it. It doesn’t help that Kageyama is in his class and wouldn’t like it much.

So Kei stews in his frustration and pours it into practice. He does the chord progressions over and over again until he could do them in his sleep. He sings the lyrics in the shower, as he makes his meals, as he does his homework, as he walks to school. He stares at the back of Yamaguchi’s head and the lyrics beat themselves a tattoo on his brain.

These are the words that Kuroo thought of the first time he saw Yamaguchi. They’re the words that Kei thinks of now.

He doesn’t ever manage to catch Yamaguchi. Instead he speaks to Yamaguchi completely by accident.

He’s walking between classes, keeping his head down so he doesn’t get into trouble and mouthing the words to Kuroo’s song, when he runs bodily into Yamaguchi coming around a corner. Neither of them fall over, Kei because he’s used to weathering impacts from tougher things than sweet faced ex-rich boys and Yamaguchi because he falls right into Ushijima who catches him around the shoulders.

“Are you okay, Tadashi?” Ushijima asks, voice low.

“Fine,” Yamaguchi says with a smile that is half sad. For the first time since Kei yelled at him Yamaguchi meets his eyes. “Sorry, Tsukishima-kun.”

Ushijima’s mouth tilts into a hard line but before he can complain Kei apologizes back. “Sorry, Yamaguchi.” Yamaguchi’s eyes get wide and Kei stares into them as hard as he can. “I’m sorry.”

Yamaguchi swallows. “Yeah.”

Feeling at least partially vindicated Kei nods and Ushijima and goes on his way. He swears he can feel Yamaguchi’s eyes on his back.

…

Kei comes home late from practice to Yamaguchi sitting on his porch. Kei stares and Yamaguchi stares back. It takes a moment before Kei finds his voice. 

“Hey.”

“Hey,” Yamaguchi replies.

Kei takes a deep, fortifying breath before heading towards his door. “You finally not avoiding me?”

“Sorry, Tsukishima,” Yamaguchi says.

“It’s fine,” Kei says. “I’d avoid me too.”

Yamaguchi looks down at his hands. Kei busies himself with unlocking his front door. It’s quiet for a moment. Nothing but the night sky and Kuroo between them.

Kei has no idea what to say or do. This was never his area.

“You said some really mean things,” Yamaguchi says at last.

“Yeah,” Kei says. “I do that.” He hesitates and then throws caution to the wind. For the memory of Kuroo. “It wasn’t fair of me, though.”

“Yeah,” Yamaguchi agrees. “Doesn’t stop it from feeling true, though.”

God, Kei is an asshole. He’s never been bothered by being an asshole before. Everyone that he cares about isn’t bothered by him being an asshole either. He’s never had to try to patch things up with someone, never tried to be kind to someone. Usually he just tells Kageyama and Hinata that they’re losers or gives Yachi a side hug and they get it, they know what he means.

It’s been a long time since Kei has actually wanted to make a friend from scratch. The last time was… well, the last time was Kuroo.

“None of it was true,” Kei says. “You should just forget all of it.”

Yamaguchi laughs and it sounds bitter. “How can I? If I forget it then I’m just like everyone else. They don’t even care that he’s gone.”

Kei grits his teeth. “Yeah, well, they didn’t know him.”

“Fuck,” Yamaguchi sighs. The curse falling out of his mouth startles Kei. He turns to look at Yamaguchi for the first time since he stepped up to his still unopened door. Yamaguchi meets his eyes and smiles. “Sorry.”

Kei turns towards him completely and holds up his hands. “Hey, you’re not going to hear anything about cursing from me.”

Yamaguchi laughs and it sounds sad. He huddles in on himself, crossing one arm over the other. Silence falls on them again for a moment and Kei wonders if Kuroo is laughing at him and how inept he is.

“Do you have trouble sleeping, sometimes?” Yamaguchi wonders aloud. He turns to look at Kei and then flushes. “Sorry, you don’t have to answer that.”

Kei swallows and thinks of the sound of Kuroo hitting the bus, the sound of Kuroo hitting the pavement. A wet sort of crunch. “Yeah, I do.”

Yamaguchi’s expression falls. “Me too.”

The silence is cold. Yamaguchi shivers in his thin tee.

“Listen, Yamaguchi, we don’t have to talk about him.”

“Who else am I going to talk about him with?” Yamaguchi asks.

Kei grips the strap of his bag so hard his knuckles turn white. “Do you want to come inside?”

Yamaguchi hesitates. “To talk about Kuroo-kun?” Kei nods. Yamaguchi nods back. “Yeah, okay.”

…

That’s how it starts. It starts with Kuroo, or at least the memory of him, like all things seem to these days. It starts with a story that Kei tells so that Yamaguchi will understand what he missed and somehow it becomes a conversation about Yamaguchi’s fake friends, about music, about family, about television, about food, about nothing and everything.

Yamaguchi is hard not to like. Kei has known that from the beginning, from the first time he saw a beautiful boy crossing a street in the evening. He’s funny in a soft way and he picks up on Kei’s sarcasm quickly. They understand each other. For a few moments at a time it’s like Kuroo never died and they’re still standing on Kei’s porch, Yamaguchi begging Kei not to reveal his secret poor status and Kei agreeing to do so only if Yamaguchi doesn’t break Kuroo’s heart.

Kei supposes that since Yamaguchi never did that Kei will always have to keep his secret.

“Why do you care, anyway?” Kei asks. “If they’re really your friends they won’t leave just because you’re poor.”

Yamaguchi tucks his knees to his chest and lays his cheek to the top of them. “Because I’m not ready to find out who’s real and who’s fake.”

…

Kuroo’s death comes crashing down on Kei like it always does. Those moments of forgetting are few and far between.

“Guess what I found,” Hinata says, bursting into their practice room with a box in his arms.

“It better not be another cat, Shouchan,” Yachi says, exasperated. “You didn’t do a very good job of taking care of the last one.”

“No, nothing like that,” Hinata says, setting the box down with a huff. He reaches inside and pulls out two roman candles. “Fireworks.”

“Oh,” is all Kei can say, feeling like he’s been punched in the gut. Kuroo loved fireworks. They shot roman candles off the roof of Kei’s building every time something important happened. He said they were making their own shooting stars, for luck.

“Hinata,” Kageyama breathes.

Hinata tosses them into the air and catches them again. “So I’m thinking, we never got to have a real Crows send-off for Kuro.”

Yachi looks like she might cry. Kageyama is pulled taut with stress, like he is every time Kuroo is brought up. Kei looks to Hinata.

“Let’s do it.”

…

The fireworks pop and boom. They each have a stick in hand and they point them up over the city to watch them fly into the night. Hinata whoops after every one, something like joy or maybe he’s just working out his grief. Kei wonders if Kuroo can see the artificial falling stars, if he loves them as much from where he is as he loved them when he was alive.

They finish another round of fireworks and Hinata heads for the box.

“More?” Yachi asks.

“Yeah!” Hinata says. “Let’s do the whole box.”

Kei looks away to hide his smile and that's when he sees Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi stands on the next building over smiling up at the night where the fireworks just finished fizzling out. As Hinata lights up his next stick to fire more light into the air Kei can’t tear his eyes away. The first shell pops and the light washes Yamaguchi in a bright glow.

He looks beautiful. A muse. Just like Kuroo said.

Yamaguchi turns and catches his eye. He smiles at Kei and Kei can’t see the dimples but he knows they’re there. Kei suddenly feels the gap between them keenly. He wonders if Yamaguchi feels the same way.

Without giving it much more thought he gestures for Yamaguchi to come over.

Yamaguchi blanches slightly and shakes his head. More fireworks go off and Kei gestures more emphatically. Yamaguchi ducks his head before turning away. For a moment Kei thinks he’s going inside but then he makes for the stairs.

Is this okay, Kei can’t help but wonder. Would Kuroo be angry or would he be happy to see them all getting along?

It doesn’t matter, he tells himself. Kuroo can’t express an opinion right now and when Kei dies he can punch Kei in the face for everything he didn’t like.

Kei digs into the box for two roman candles. When Yamaguchi hesitantly makes it up to the roof Kei offers him one.

“Firework?”

Yamaguchi laughs. The others turn at the sound.

“Muse guy!”

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Did you come to shoot a firework for Kuro too?”

Yamaguchi hugs himself slightly, hesitant. “Yeah, I did. If that’s okay?”

“It’s what Kuro would have wanted,” Kageyama says after a moment. He looks to Kei for confirmation. 

“Yeah, it’s what Kuro would have wanted.”

…

Something about shooting the fireworks out over the city is like scattering their own version of ashes. It feels like they’ve done right by Kuroo, at least a little bit.

Now all they have to do is win the battle of the bands.

…

The festival draws ever closer and Kei throws himself into the song. The only things he does are eat, sleep, go to school, practice, and talk to Yamaguchi.

He thinks about the freckles on Yamaguchi’s face like stars in class while staring at the back of Yamaguchi’s head. Yamaguchi catches him staring once and sticks his tongue out, something that almost gets Kei in a lot of trouble with Ushijima, who he’s attempting to avoid as much as possible. Kei can’t help but wonder what Kuroo would say to the direction of Kei’s thoughts. Would he approve? Disapprove? Is Kuroo out there somewhere hating him?

Kei pushes the thought out of his mind. Dwelling on it makes him feel uneasy.

The day before the festival they don’t practice. Kei orders them all to get some rest. He wants well rested musicians, the kind who can bring their best. Kageyama and Hinata walk home from school hand in hand. Kei walks Yachi home before heading towards his place. Normally they all would have walked to the practice space together but instead they’re all going home.

“What are we going to do if we win tomorrow?” Yachi asks.

“Get ready to be professionals, I guess,” Kei replies.

Yachi smiles. “Good. I’ve always wanted to be a professional.”

Kei snorts. “Money hungry or fame hungry?”

“Can’t it be both?” Kei rolls his eyes at her and she laughs. “I’ve gotta pay for my mother to retire somehow, right?”

“Of course,” Kei says.

“What about you?”

Kei tries to imagine what else he could possibly want. The first thing that springs to mind is Kuroo back. The second thing is Yamaguchi.

“I just want to play music,” he decides on at last.

“How pure of you,” Yachi says. Kei rolls his eyes at her.

Eventually it’s just Kei for the last few blocks. He sings Kuroo’s song under his breath. He said no practicing but this isn’t really practicing. He’s not really singing.

“Tsukki!”

Kei turns to see Yamaguchi across the street. Yamaguchi looks both ways and then runs to Kei. Kei turns towards him, his heart hammering in his chest at the sight of Yamaguchi just running across the street. Yamaguchi makes it across safely. Well, relatively safely.

Yamaguchi is a huge clutz. He trips, just like the first time, and ends up in Kei’s arms.

“Idiot, you could have been hurt.”

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi says but he doesn’t let go of Kei’s shoulders.

“What was so important that you couldn’t have waited?”

“Good luck at the festival tomorrow,” Yamaguchi rushes out. 

Kei makes an irritated noise. “Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

Yamaguchi laughs, not at all put off by Kei’s annoyance. Then he straightens up to his tiptoes and kisses Kei right on the lips.

It isn’t very long, something short and simple. It’s sweet, like Yamaguchi. Kei stares when Yamaguchi pulls away.

“What was that for?”

Yamaguchi takes a deep breath. “For luck. And because I wanted to.”

“You wanted to?” Kei asks. He’s not sure what his face is doing.

Kei wonders if he’s allowed to have this. If, after everything, this isn’t the worst thing he could possibly do to Kuroo’s memory. He thinks about how beautiful Yamaguchi looked when he ran across the street the first time and how he looked no more or less beautiful this time and he wonders if maybe he would have always wanted this. He doesn’t know what that means for the future.

“Tsukishima, I-”

Kei kisses the words right out of Yamaguchi’s mouth.

…

Kei feels a little odd taking Kuroo’s place in the middle. It’s not quite right. He’s not Kuroo and he never will be.

After a moment of thinking about it Kei moves his mic stand over to where it used to sit. He leaves the center front empty for Kuroo.

“What are you doing?” Yachi hisses.

“It’s fine,” Kei says.

Yachi glances around but none of the festival workers are yelling at him. When she looks back to him Kei gives her his best smirk. She makes a big show of rolling her eyes at him.

Somewhere out in the screaming crowd is Yamaguchi. He’s about to hear a song written for him by Kuroo and sung for him by Kei. Kei refuses to be nervous.

Hinata beats his way through a drum fill, which makes the crowd go even crazier, and then stands up behind the set. “Hey, are we gonna do this or what?”

“Shut up, dumbass,” Kageyama snaps.

“I’m just saying.”

“Alright, alright,” Kei says. This song doesn’t start with a drum fill like their old one did. Instead it starts with guitar.

Kei nods at Yachi and Yachi steps up to her mic. 

“One, two, one two three four.”

She hits the chord right on four. Kei follows her on with a lick that Hinata accents with the crash of cymbals and then they’re off. Kei’s sung the song so many times that the words come to his lips without his permission.

“The moment I first saw you, my head spun and time stopped…”

It’s music, plain and simple. In the end, there’s no place that Kei would rather be. He sings and plays guitar, Yachi backs him up with her high voice and her own guitar, Kageyama hits every beat on time, Hinata keeps their energy up.

Somewhere, out in the crowd, Yamaguchi watches and listens.

Kei thinks that even if they don’t win Kuroo would be proud of them. Besides, they’ll never stop trying, never stop playing.

He pours his heart and voice into the song and when the song is done he lets go of the guitar to grab the mic with both hands like Kuroo used to do. “We have been The Crows and that was Jaywalking. Thank you.”

The crowd loses their minds.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me [on tumblr here](http://talkativelock.tumblr.com/) where I post about anime, life, and writing.


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